The door is only half shut

Where have you both gone
One after the other
Do we shut the door or wait
It's been a while now

It's been a while now
We still haven't heard from you
The mail box is empty
Your images are fading from our memory

Your images are fading from our memory
Your families are no more into us
They don't ring us or check on us like before
We miss you now like never before

We miss you now like never before
We pulled out the dusty photo-albums to relive moments with you
How do we get in touch
To what address do we post a letter

To what address do we post a letter
The mailman tells us no letter will get to you
We keep awake day and night, not to miss the doorbell
The telephone has gone quiet too

The telephone has gone quiet too
We don't take it off the hook for you to ring us
Why don't you call or write to us
Don't you care no more

Don't you care no more
Don't our tears and pouts melt your hearts no more
Don't you worry about us being alone no more
Are you no more curious about the new pals we make

Are you no more curious about the new pals we make
Some do hurt us you know
But then you hadn't warned us
Why didn't you tell us when you left

Why didn't you tell us when you left
Like we always did when out to play and meet friends and even work
That was your rule, not ours
You have violated every rule you had set

You have violated every rule you had set
We no more know what you want
And we hence decided to be cross with you and the world
We still are cross but no more angry

The door is only half shut...

Every time you say fairies don't exist you kill YOURS!!!

She is an angel in disguise or may be not; she is cuter and smaller than an angel and of course a lot more fun; probably she is a fairy. She has her wand hidden away somewhere in her designer handbag. But she swishes it ever so often that my wishes have grown wings now.

Unlike Tinkerbell she takes no credit for her magical spells. Fairy dust is all over me but she still thinks I am unaware she is the one. She has a hand full of chores, she juggles them with great ease and thinks it's no big deal.

I met her then when the bubble I lived in burst and I fell with a thud and broke my limbs. It was slippery and dark where I landed. I lost my grip, I felt flighty and cluttered as I went sliding into some bottomless depth. "That's it, it's all over" I thought, till I felt light and weightless like a feather.

It was her! She was gentle, her smile was cherubic. She harboured me. I was unsure as I leaned on, if I weighed more than she could bear. But she couldn't be bothered if it was so. She wanted to do more. More with no pretences.

Outside my room I hear her wings flutter to take off to Neverland probably... to bring back more fairy dust or to swish her wand to make wishes come alive. She can hide as much as she likes from me but I know for a fact she is "Neenabell" the fairy.

'We' belong to the stars in the sky

Our successes never celebrated by them
Our slips under their lens
I wanted to belong there
He wanted away from them

War of words spiralled out
Neither was convinced by the other
He stuck to his say
And I to mine

He disapproved my efforts to belong
They disapproved his ways of life
I disapproved their judgements of him
Saga of our futile attempts of 'to belong or not to belong'

We took one another to task
We can't stand eye to eye
Why can't you
Why should I

We walked away to be at peace, far away to the horizon
To gaze at our two stars in the distant sky
But his hand was in mine now, my head on his shoulder
When had we walked away from each other? Where did we come together?

I didn't want to belong anymore
Their mind games failed to get me now
Our mind games began to get them now!!
Phew! or what? I chuckle these days.

In a new light

New is good? Not always I am sure, but now, here, it feels good. I am beginning to like it. It was weird to start with... new job, new home, new number and perhaps a new me.

Of course, things have changed for me after recovering from an untimely chicken pox, yes untimely because I wasn't looking for an excuse to rest, relax or be nursed ;P

Neither was I on the payroll of a busy editorial team nor was I a student tired of taking exams or other academic chores, wanting to fall ill!
A: "Chicken pox is life changing... things are going to change for you."

B:"My life was turned around after I recovered from chicken pox. It is true... don't laugh now..."

C:"Don't be annoyed... you just wait and watch your life is going to change!"

"What is the big deal, what's the life changing factor?" I don't wonder so anymore... Yes, change is obvious to the extent that I am not scared of dogs anymore! I know, but that's true. I am officially now not scared of dogs!

But that is not enough, I need to see more, more changes. A little more from life. And so it is said: SEEING IS BELIEVING! :) So make me believe!

I Mark time

The winters are painful in your absence
You are not around, you are not mine anymore
The pranks we pulled, the secrets we shared
All seem to have vanished

Those games we played and the bruises you gave
Have been closer to me than memories of greater life events
I look at them with love of a glorious childhood we had together
Those fights weren’t fights those hate spats weren’t hatred
But love in retrospect

And today the bruises you have given me
Though not carnal are deeper than all scars I bear
But they hurt me, they sting me
Your silence and your untraceable thoughts kill me
I am scared to love else and I may soon forget to trust

There was bearing in every look of yours, I felt safe then but vulnerable today
Today I tremble at a future staring at me
I hide behind every bend but I am spotted
Our separateness speak volumes of your absence
I cry and cry and cry and with a misty pair of eyes look for you

I grope for your hands I was entrusted into
I don’t feel them, I can’t reach them and I fall
In hope you’ll be back to help me up
And I touch the scar under my chin from that old fight of ours
And console a cheerless self that you’ll be back
Before the winter passes...

For Sari

Sari is like second skin to me, though I had never worn it to work before. Have worn it in and around home. Wear it not just to the temples, weddings or family affairs but to the market, movies, dinners, walks... everywhere... again, except office... but why not? why hadn't I draped sari to work? It didn't occur to me until recently I went into work in a sari.

Recalling my seniors wearing Sari for the first time to work, it had been normal... nobody had raised an eyebrow or asked why? But my turn or one from my age group and questions were several... "going on a date?" "anniversary" "engaged?" "birthday?"... or even "why are you dressed like this?"... "Get up get up... A&B told me you are in a sari... please let me see... get up no? get up!" And, also since I work for television I had a few ask me, Was I going on the air...

I had worn a simple jute sari to work, not even those Chiffon Yash Chopra saris that could qualify for a date or an anniversary. Now this is an attire I am so fond of and is in love with that has now raised too many questions. Is it worth wearing it to work? Or should I wear it often enough that it wouldn't seem unusual anymore? Or is sari not meant for the working class of my age group unless may be I am working with an Airline or a Hotel, largely Hospitality business? Why is my most loved outfit, sari going through this crisis? Is it just a phase? Can I save it? Not that you don't see people in one... Of course you do but an older age group...

For the time being I had let it be... and went about with my work and didn't bother to be too conscious... but then I must admit I had a good day though I was stopped over and over again by every single colleague to ask: "Why sari...?" My day was good particularly because I didn't have anyone loathe it, in fact, all were in appreciation and awe of it and more so when they discovered it wasn't a date, birthday, engagement or the likes they had suspected.

But Sari is my most favourite and undoubtedly the most comfortable clothing in my wardrobe for any occasion of course except for your sporty outing and biking... I guess that is alright to all the advantage it has.

Like I had been to a Nationalised Bank a week ago to open a savings account, my request was turned down and that I cannot open one because of blah blah blah reasons. I walked in three days later to the same bank and I was treated with great regard and offered a seat and water. Not only did I get an account opened, I also had them serve me with great respect and the Manager even offered me his personal number to be contacted any time I had any problems with the Bank. And it obviously was me both times to the same bank... Just that I was in a shirt and a pair of jeans the first time and a  cotton sari the second time... It was a sari that had me treated like a client they wanted to please...

So definitely, thanks to saris. And I guess it is alright to give my saris a break when I am out biking or rock climbing...

But for my age group sari is an unfamiliar, 5 and a half meter long piece of fabric that is not as comfortable as the trousers and T or salwar-kurtis are. Well! I think it is just a matter of getting used to and often impossible to get used to once you are used to a pair of trousers and comfy shirts/blouses...

Washed away!

Drizzled? Yes it did. But I wanted more, more than just the luring few drops, which stroke my body. Like a teaser the sky would blush and then roar in a dark tinge as though to chuck it down and I would await a downpour to get drenched in, to walk endlessly into nowhere, into nothing. But I would be left taunted and mocked with no sign of anything, not even the promised drizzle!

No meteorologist could ever tell or even try to forecast rain, for it (the rain) never obeyed. At its will, it had gotten away. To reign or not to reign?… was the question. My meteorologist friend failed every time he attempted the forecast- “Hey weather man it is OK… these days with climate change and environmental issues you couldn’t have done any better. Your knowledge is inadequate and the Meteorology course might need cramming in of more papers in the syllabus to deal with the recent and expedited environmental issues.” I joked, oops! That spun his anger… He was disgusted and yes not amused at all. It was his profession at stake, his skill in question. I could only grin…

I can recall the best weather person ever- my good old nan. She knew exactly when it would rain, if it did by when it would stop and how long would it go on for…the harvest that season, the yielding and what not? But now even the ones holding a PhD in the tongue spraining subject (Meteorology) can hardly tell what’s next.

But little had the rain Gods known of what I had believed in, how I consoled myself that the nature was all mine... believe it rains when i am sad and teary-eyed... Pardon the blogger here –enraptured in a world she has woven to let herself lose. So, let the nature be hers, the enticement of the world be hers, the brilliance of the gems be hers, the luminescence of the night be hers… let her rule this world! Don’t hinder or you’ll be doomed. Let her be rapt, don’t warn her or wake her to the world you live in. Let her be.

I pinched myself to see if I was fine, how come I am glum and the nature is not? It (the nature) always did worry about me if none at all did. So now when I am upset and sad and crying why isn’t it raining? And when I am happy and elated it isn’t responding again… Oh! Can it be true? Maybe, it is under the spell of the other. Oh yes it is! Now it all makes sense.

The spell better be reversed and I must get all of the blissful showers to myself and please start helping, contributing, power saving, recycling- the only way to brew the potion to cast the spell away. I need my world saved and the love and care and protection that was unconditional and perpetual.