I Mark time

The winters are painful in your absence
You are not around, you are not mine anymore
The pranks we pulled, the secrets we shared
All seem to have vanished

Those games we played and the bruises you gave
Have been closer to me than memories of greater life events
I look at them with love of a glorious childhood we had together
Those fights weren’t fights those hate spats weren’t hatred
But love in retrospect

And today the bruises you have given me
Though not carnal are deeper than all scars I bear
But they hurt me, they sting me
Your silence and your untraceable thoughts kill me
I am scared to love else and I may soon forget to trust

There was bearing in every look of yours, I felt safe then but vulnerable today
Today I tremble at a future staring at me
I hide behind every bend but I am spotted
Our separateness speak volumes of your absence
I cry and cry and cry and with a misty pair of eyes look for you

I grope for your hands I was entrusted into
I don’t feel them, I can’t reach them and I fall
In hope you’ll be back to help me up
And I touch the scar under my chin from that old fight of ours
And console a cheerless self that you’ll be back
Before the winter passes...

For Sari

Sari is like second skin to me, though I had never worn it to work before. Have worn it in and around home. Wear it not just to the temples, weddings or family affairs but to the market, movies, dinners, walks... everywhere... again, except office... but why not? why hadn't I draped sari to work? It didn't occur to me until recently I went into work in a sari.

Recalling my seniors wearing Sari for the first time to work, it had been normal... nobody had raised an eyebrow or asked why? But my turn or one from my age group and questions were several... "going on a date?" "anniversary" "engaged?" "birthday?"... or even "why are you dressed like this?"... "Get up get up... A&B told me you are in a sari... please let me see... get up no? get up!" And, also since I work for television I had a few ask me, Was I going on the air...

I had worn a simple jute sari to work, not even those Chiffon Yash Chopra saris that could qualify for a date or an anniversary. Now this is an attire I am so fond of and is in love with that has now raised too many questions. Is it worth wearing it to work? Or should I wear it often enough that it wouldn't seem unusual anymore? Or is sari not meant for the working class of my age group unless may be I am working with an Airline or a Hotel, largely Hospitality business? Why is my most loved outfit, sari going through this crisis? Is it just a phase? Can I save it? Not that you don't see people in one... Of course you do but an older age group...

For the time being I had let it be... and went about with my work and didn't bother to be too conscious... but then I must admit I had a good day though I was stopped over and over again by every single colleague to ask: "Why sari...?" My day was good particularly because I didn't have anyone loathe it, in fact, all were in appreciation and awe of it and more so when they discovered it wasn't a date, birthday, engagement or the likes they had suspected.

But Sari is my most favourite and undoubtedly the most comfortable clothing in my wardrobe for any occasion of course except for your sporty outing and biking... I guess that is alright to all the advantage it has.

Like I had been to a Nationalised Bank a week ago to open a savings account, my request was turned down and that I cannot open one because of blah blah blah reasons. I walked in three days later to the same bank and I was treated with great regard and offered a seat and water. Not only did I get an account opened, I also had them serve me with great respect and the Manager even offered me his personal number to be contacted any time I had any problems with the Bank. And it obviously was me both times to the same bank... Just that I was in a shirt and a pair of jeans the first time and a  cotton sari the second time... It was a sari that had me treated like a client they wanted to please...

So definitely, thanks to saris. And I guess it is alright to give my saris a break when I am out biking or rock climbing...

But for my age group sari is an unfamiliar, 5 and a half meter long piece of fabric that is not as comfortable as the trousers and T or salwar-kurtis are. Well! I think it is just a matter of getting used to and often impossible to get used to once you are used to a pair of trousers and comfy shirts/blouses...